Time for Some Action II

Joining the Online Safari

Alright, pursuing dating in real life is…. what? Going well? Yielding big fat donuts? Going at a snail's pace? Nonexistent, or are you stuck in a particular rut? That rut could be the same ole nothingness, same dry encounters, running into the same people or going through a relentless cycle of almosts, creepers, fruitless encounters, or being sucked into a stagnant vacuum of frustration?

Perhaps, you have been out there, open, interacting with others, and even been bold. However, nothing is sticking. You can be engaging people but not getting anything good out of it. When I refer to “good,” it’s whatever the definition of good is to you. That designation or definition comes from where you are, with what you want, and the particular stage you are currently in with the dating game. 

If things aren’t great in real life, why not maximize some options and consider entering the online safari of dating? I am not advocating for it, but it is a direction you can choose to explore.

You can start your engagement online very simply. Go on some apps for free, create a profile, and just observe and graze profiles for a bit - just to get your feet wet. See who and what is out there. Talk with some friends or anyone you trust and have them look at your profile. 

What comes next? If you put your profile together and you're good with it - then you just wait and see. You took the time to make your decision about venturing into the online world, then you decide to do it, and then boom - it’s an avalanche or nothing really happens. You could just be waiting for some action. Let’s delve into generating that online profile. 

Setting up a profile…

You should definitely have friends, colleagues, or someone give a second look at your photos. I suggest making sure you have one that shows your upper body, one where you're smiling, and one that shows whatever angle you want of your full body. Some people like to have a photo that shows a connection to something that they like to do, a hobby, or an action shot. 

It’s also good to have a picture that shows something different about you. I am not referring to pictures with tigers, jumping out of a plane, or at the gym. That may float someone’s boat, but that does not inspire much from me and a host of ladies and fellas I know. (*If that's the way for you - then that’s the way. You cuddle that tiger and flex those muscles).

Wanting to present your “best” self is not a terrible thing or being false. People like to work their angles, which I do too. I am not about filters and doctoring pictures. I think it is good to learn your best sides and highlight those angles or positions, which might incorporate you being shown in a variety of settings. 

If you want to “stage” yourself for optimal viewing like an open house in real estate - go for it. Someone may look at your photo for 0.5 seconds. This online life is hard. 

I know, the marketing of yourself is quite a thing. I do not put up a ton of pictures and do not enjoy being photographed much. Certain apps require a certain number of photos, and you will have to comply.

Hinge sometimes makes it so that you have to have six pictures. When that happened, I have used some photos of things that I like, for one or two, which may have an object or landscape that I like besides photos of myself. Some folks like to use quotes, memes, or funny images to fill those extra slots.

For me, six pictures of myself feels like a little much especially since I am such a fan of taking pictures. I have also reviewed profiles for friends and too many photos just seems like you're doing too much. That applies whether they're great photos, you are photogenic, or they tell a great story. Let's leave something for when you meet in person. 

The flip side of that is that one photo is no bueno when it comes to a profile. If someone has one photo, it better be one hell of a photo, and their profile needs to show a certain something that’s intriguing. Of course, there's always an exception and I'll fill you in on one or two in some future stories. I had a relationship with someone who had one photo. That picture really caught my eye, and he stayed in my mind. The minimalist approach worked for him. Well…it worked for us.

Keep in mind…

You can almost be on the "sidelines" at the beginning and get comfortable when you start your online experience. It also depends on the app. Some apps are the jam for some people, and it won't be for you. You may have success with one or two and sometime later, even years later, it doesn't fit. The app changed or you did. It's also about what you're looking for too. 

Some people maximize their options by being on multiple or varied apps. The upside is being in a number of “pools” to catch more likes and action. You may encounter those that may be down for some saucy fun.

You can hook up on any app. You can also get into a serious relationship or get married off of any app. Don't turn your nose up at Tinder. People on Tinder are right there on Match too. 

There are times when one app rises above the rest and your activity and success rate are high. You can be on three apps where you have decent activity from each or they alternate yielding good results. Of course, there are those moments when it can be crickets or…you have likes or swipes, but you’re not interested in any of the “possibles.” 

Once you begin swiping, waiting can come next and be another hurdle to face. You perused profiles and were an online bystander, then made the decision to take some action, and make a profile. The floodgates open, then wane, or not even get flowing. Now what?

Well, you hurry up and wait. You can be in a holding pattern. For some, stepping outside of yourself will be a big step. For others, there is hemming and hawing because you are aware that dipping your toes in this messy online pool is a lot. 

It’s also important to note that, for the apps, sex is easy. I know you're like - wait, what? No, it's not. Yes, it is. You can meet someone and have sex. I didn't say it's good sex or guaranteed good sex, and I didn't say you would partake, but it's there. 

There will be someone who will want to sex you, and that street can be one-way or not. No harm, no foul. But inquiries and offering sex - that's gonna happen. It just is. I am not just talking about wackadoos either. There will be some semi-decent matches that you make, or people who you message with, and they can be blunt, bury the lead, or draw things out - but ultimately, they want your “cookie.”

There is saucy fun to be had. If you're about that - be in charge of what you want and how it goes down. You have to make sure you're safe. The standard W's come into play. The who, what, where, when, and then - why not? How about that? (There’s your how). If you're feeling it. Make sure you let someone know who you will be with, the where, and the when. 

Side note: Ladies…you should have condoms. Toss one or two in your different bags and you're covered if you want him to be “covered.” (If this works for you, don’t leave it to chance. Be prepared.)

Embarking on your safari…

One step at a time. This is a light spectrum of some things to be aware of entering this jungle of dating on the interwebs. Once you have taken in this new landscape, then you have to decide if and when you're going to jump in. For some of you that “new car smell” thrill will be exciting and enough of a starting point. Especially, if you're getting a lay of the land. 

In the initial stages, swiping upon swiping can be fun because there's so much possibility out there. You may look at profiles and see some witty posts, handsome faces, good bodies, and potential. Wading through profiles can also wear on you and become tiresome. 

There's a lot of content at your fingertips but quantity does not equal quality. You have the hope of something new ahead of you. You could engage with someone different than you have in your past. You're not fully sure what's out there but...there’s a chance that there is someone out there for you.

Regardless of what led you to begin or entertain engaging in online dating, you are venturing into an unknown, and willing to give it a go. You're now deciding to be in it. 

Happy swiping and good luck!