I'm Telling: Dating After Divorce (Book Excerpt)

I'm Not Broken. Newly single and a first-time encounter with a long-time friend.

As we approached the door to my room, he was already four steps past it. Am I going with him? Am I stopping? What am I doing? He then turned and almost looked towards his hip as if he expected me to be right there. His gaze raised from his side to my eyes. I was rooted to that rug outside my room. A question played across his face and brow.

He opened his mouth, and I said, “I have to make a call.” He slightly tilted his head, and a smile played on the corner of his mouth, which gave my heart a little squeeze. He said, “Of course. I should make one too.” He took two steps and then fully turned to me, and quietly said, “See you soon?” and I smiled at him. He nodded, walked to his door, pointed to it, and keyed himself in.

I was still in the hallway. I had already called home when I arrived, but I sent some texts to check on my little one. Everything was good. I called my cousin, Vee, and I relayed everything that had transpired. She squealed excitedly and “Ooh girl-ed” me. She made me keep it quick and quit stalling.

I sat on the bed and looked at the door. It is time! Time to go. Time to go for something I wanted. It was not across the country. It was not forbidden. It was there for the taking and to be received. This was happening. My eyes shifted to the hotel clock. It felt like it had been an eternity of pondering and exhaling. I had been in my room for about 8 minutes.

I did not want to send a message of uncertainty by not being ready soon and arriving at his door. I did not want to delay any longer! I sprayed my white lavender mist all over like I was making some crazy 3-D diagram or whipping my hand around like I was telling someone off. (This spray pattern is typical for me).

I looked in the mirror to make sure I was together and instinctively pulled open a small drawer and pulled out this little zippered pouch. I pulled out eye liner, a blush rose lip liner, and clear gloss. I made very small adjustments and then my body tensed. I ran to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. What the hell was I thinking?

I needed to be fresh and so clean, clean! I mean, I had trimmed and manicured down there the day before and the cookie, yes, “the cookie” was looking good. I handled my front and my back. Mhm, that’s right. But I think the cookie - she needed a refresh. I grabbed a washcloth, my Dove soap, and swabbed the decks. I Had to! Are you kidding me? That haze must have still been engulfing me.

After walking around hot azz Vegas, how could I have not thought about my lady parts, and him seeing all of me?? It was go time. Under the arms – check. Down below – check. Down bottom – check. I am not a big lingerie or special undergarment person, but I made sure my bra, and my undies were black. I shook my head at myself. I laughed.

Then, I decided to pee. Let’s get it all out now. I washed my hands, grabbed my shea lotion, and I had a huge exhale as I rubbed my hands together. I smiled in the mirror and turned out the light. I grabbed my black shoulder bag and hit myself with two more sprays of mist. I was good to go.

I exited my room, hit the swirls on that rug in stride, and headed straight to CJ’s door. I was prepared to knock but the safety latch lock was extended, and it held the door ajar. I slowly pushed it open, and he was standing at the window, across the room, with his back to me.

He was on the phone and turned to his left to see me. His eyes were intently smiling at me as he said, “Okay great. That sounds good. Bye.” I closed the door and turned back to him. He walked toward me with this bounce in his step and a smile spreading across his face. I soaked the image of him walking towards me.

He is a man. 6 '3" of man walking towards me. He keeps his head bald and has sparkling blue eyes, which can sometimes seem like they can be blue/grey. His straight nose is above full lips, his cheeks angle in, and lead to a strong and nice jawline. He has broad shoulders, arms that are cut, from the biceps to the forearms, with a few veins that are noticeable, and strong hands that are a good size.

He had on a t-shirt and the color brought out the blue in his eyes. He was wearing jeans and was barefoot. He was closing the distance between us, and I stood there looking at him with my lips slightly parted. My right knee was bent a little and I gently smoothed my dark brown hair, which was laid down and a little curled at the end.

I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt, jeans, and low Nike Dunks. He was in front of me and leaning forward, his head angled towards mine, and his mouth was opening and heading towards mine. His eyes were slowly closing. I could see the blues of his eyes fading behind his long black lashes. He was about to be right there, and I put my hand on his chest and stepped off to the right.

He closed and opened his mouth like a lion that was about to take a bite – out of me. My hand stayed there, and I threw my bag onto the couch in the sitting area to our right. I should have just dropped that damn bag on the floor, but I didn’t. I stepped back in front of him and dropped my hand. It was time.

He moved forward and pressed me against the door with his body. I lifted my chin as both his hands caressed the sides of my face and partially slid onto the back of my neck and underneath my hair. His eyes were closing as he got closer and there were those long lashes again. His pink lips were coming for my lips and when they touched mine, they just fit, and there was a heat that started there and radiated out, and then my back arched.

Our bodies pressed closer together. I felt the heat between us spreading everywhere. He moaned lightly and I had a gasp that could not escape. My arms were around him feeling his shoulder blades and I brought them down his sculpted back. I rested them around his waist. He pulled back from me slightly and he said, “You are so beautiful” and his eyes were so intense. He looked like it hurt to stop kissing me. I pulled him back and we continued.

The motion of our lips, and the way they moved together was like a slow dance. Our lips were together, they parted, we used our tongues, and there were slight smiles in the midst – it was just delicious. We slowly walked away from the door, he walked backwards, I walked backwards, and we walked sideways while maintaining our touch and kissing.

We gently fell to the bed, and we kissed. He angled to his left side and propped himself up, while I lay on my back and slightly turned toward him. He outlined my face with his fingers and we both smiled at each other. There was all this want in his eyes, but he was not rushing. He was savoring this and me.

We held each other’s gaze. We kissed and then he slowly kissed the side of my face and moved to my earlobe, and it was hot. Then, he went down the right side of my neck and I moaned. He found a spot and he stayed there while his right hand was exploring my body. I kicked off my sneakers and moved my legs closer to him. He made it to my collar bone, raised up, and suddenly I was feeling some air below.

My jeans were unbuckled and unzipped. I chuckled and he said, “Uh huh.” I was touching his upper body, and he pulled his shirt off. I could feel and slightly see a six-pack of abs, with lines on the side, and I thought there were probably a couple packs that I couldn’t see. I was in a CJ haze and punch-drunk again. We were just in constant motion. There was action and then reaction. There was a harmony of movements between us.

My pants and top glided off by his hand and mine. I set his jeans free at the top and saw him in tight boxer briefs. My bra was off, and he was kissing all over my chest, then he made his way to my nipples and his tongue was circling around. His hands were around my breasts, and we were moaning and breathing hard. I was wet – like Niagara Falls wet. He rubbed the cookie through my panties and his eyes flicked up to me and he said, “Wow.” I said, “I know. You did that. That’s what you’re doing to me. You’ve got me like Niagara.” He quietly chuckled. Moments later…I was fully naked.

Then, he descended…