Beginning…
When it comes to dating, how do you begin? I've been in groups of newly single ladies or long-term single ladies who are struggling, and some have put dating on the back burner. In the course of our discussion, “How do I get started?” will come up. After that, many have said the following: “It all seems so daunting.” “I don't know how to do this.” “It's scary.” “I don't trust people.” “It's not safe.” “I know it's all sh*t and depressing.”
Well, it can be overwhelming, especially at the beginning. It’s good to be careful throughout and it can be taxing. The unknown is scary and being single and embarking on your dating path is a lot. If you are newly divorced, coming out of a long-term relationship, or a lengthy hiatus from dating it’s not hard to feel lost.
People may focus on the doing part of what comes next. Do you dive into the dating pool and see if the water is fine, how deep the water is, are there piranhas, sharks, snakes, and the like in those waters. Are they choppy, is it calm, or will there be smooth sailing? Well, it's all of the above.
Before you get to all of that, you can help yourself with the pursuit of finding someone and getting started by asking yourself some questions first. By answering important questions of yourself, it will help you gauge where you are and how to proceed.
What do you want? Do you know what that looks like and what steps you have to take? Outside of finding someone special or a person that you enjoy, have you thought about the how that is involved in what you want? Are you ready to talk to people, step out of your comfort zone and put yourself in the mix of pursuing people? As in most things that you desire or pursue, it's important to know “the how” of approaching what you want and being able to answer those questions.
You have ideas about having someone special and there's feelings that you want to feel again. You want a spark, someone to be close to, spend time with, or engage with physically and/or emotionally. You may want to strike out on an uncharted path towards this next newness that you seek. It would be beneficial to map out what you need to do and to set the course of where you are headed.
Are you ready to move past the wanting of it all? Have you decided on what actions you are willing and able to take to move towards your wants? Are you willing to take chances and build your confidence in putting yourself “out there?” Will fear and uneasiness leave you stagnant and block you from moving forward?
If you’re ready to ask and answer questions like these, then it’s time to move past the wanting.