About Last Night: Truth, Lies, and Texting
Receiving the most surprising text ever, who sent it, and what follows.
I am a night owl. Mostly by choice and somewhat due to DNA. I stay tired, but sometimes, I am like a little kid, and I just want to stay up. My parenting time and child’s activities can swallow up my evenings. After the kid is asleep, I want some night to myself. Thus, I stay up, knowing that I am being an a$$hole to myself. Totally rambunctious, and an a$$hole. I also know that you cannot stall the next day from coming, but you can surely set yourself up poorly with less sleep. Yet, I will choose instant gratification by getting lost in some visual entertainment - phone or TV. Eek.
One night, I squeezed in an episode of one of my shows, and was contemplating starting another episode, as some long yawns were nudging me to go to bed. I put on ESPN to begin my wind down and picked up my phone. Yes, that was super smart because that could lead to more distraction. I perused some emails, closed some apps, and looked at my calendar. I avoided IG and falling down the rabbit hole of hilarity that can come from animal reels, comedic pages, and sarcastic memes (I love them!).
As I got caught up in the Top 10 Plays on Sportscenter, I glanced down at my cell phone and saw there was a text notification that I had missed. I saw the little white message bubble and wondered who, out of my late-night crew, would have texted me. I looked closer and saw that it was an unknown number - area 6-1-5. Well, I recently learned of the (615) area code because I had just come from a business trip in…Nashville, Tennessee.
What I was about to read was going to be quite a surprise and absolutely unexpected. I stifled the last of a yawn and I looked at the text message. As I read the message, I was more than wide awake and completely alert. There was an initial message and my response, which then led to so much more.
Text from 615 number @12:07am:
“Hi, just reaching out to apologize for my husband R—- who setup time with you last week, misled you, and then ghosted you. Woman to woman you should know it’s not you, it’s that he finally got caught after a string of cheating last Wednesday night. I’m continuing to dig and realized he blocked this number, then I aligned it to a bumble message. Truly sorry for both of us that men are too often assbags.”
My response @1:03am:
“Hi there. Wow and wow. I just thought it’s kind of par for the course and that some dudes are shady and apparently punks (Sorry). I also thought something might be up when I saw that he unmatched with no further contact. No need to apologize to me, even though I appreciate that.
I can tell that you’re a strong woman and it’s unfortunate that you had to dig. I hope you come out for the better and get whatever you desire and know that you deserve the utmost goodness. Wishing you well…”
615 response @1:07am:
“What a kind text back! Thank you and same to you. Sadly, there are kids involved so it will be a complicated road to see what the future looks like, but definitely wanted to reach out to women who he misled so at a minimum they know any ghosting etc. has nothing to do with them/you, and is all his own crap and bad choices. I wish you the best, keep enjoying life, too many are punks, but not all.”
My response @1:10am:
“Thank you again. I’m a divorced Single Mom, and I’m a lady for ladies. That was big of you to text and it is tough when the kiddos are involved. Mom to Mom and woman to woman, as I always do, I want *you* to be good. Whatever comes - you got this.”
615 response @1:13am:
“Wow. Thank you, this text really paid off and put a smile on my face. Also a lady for ladies, and appreciate how supportive you are in return. I hope the same good wishes for you and cannot thank you enough for reminding me how powerful we are as a larger female unit. 💪”
My response @1:14am:
“That’s right!! 💪🏽👊🏽🙌🏽”
615 response @1:14am:
“Loved “That’s right!! 💪🏽👊🏽🙌🏽”
And…scene 🎬.
So, that happened. I was sitting there, and I was just in a state of awe. I looked around my room and thought - “ain’t that some sh*t??” Oh man, that just happened. Like, that really happened. My next thought was just giving her a lot of credit and props. Here she is dealing with Slick Rick (Yes, that’s what I am calling him), and she, after digging, decided to reach out to me and let me know that I had not been ghosted. I also noted she referred to “women” in a message - that she did not want women he misled to think that it had anything to do with them. That was really big of her.
Although I had temporarily been groggy, that definitely woke me up. When I saw her message, I was surprised but overall, I just really felt for her. My interaction with Rick was very minimal and very surface. I do feel like I need to give some context about what led up to this…and I will.
I was in Nashville for a business conference for a few days. I only knew one person who was going to be at the conference. I was staying at a really nice hotel that had an amazing Rooftop Bar. I had a good interaction with someone the first night and that was a lot of fun. I did open up Bumble when I arrived at the hotel because I have never really used it while traveling and I was curious. I wondered if I could set up a date or a drink outing while I was away. I didn't really put much thought into it but figured it would be or could be fun.
I do have to say when you travel to another area or region, it just seems like the new landscape of prospects is exciting besides being in a new town or city. I am from the Northeast and being in the South and possibly encountering a “Southern Gentleman” gives you a little tingly feeling. I wasn't bored but I was curious, and I figured why not try to meet someone, while in “travel mode,” just like meeting someone at my hotel or being out and about.
I ended up swiping on a couple guys from my Beeline and I did interact with a few people with one of the early ones being Rick. I ended up messaging with three different people who had varying schedules. I was mostly planning either to go somewhere and do an activity or meet up and catch a drink and some appetizers. While I was in touch with Rick, he started off pretty slow and innocent. I did see the weaving of a little “sauce” in the thread of certain messages. We shared our schedules and aimed to meet up one day after my conference ended.
Some unexpected things came up in our schedules and we missed one of the times that we had set to meet. He told me he worked at night and was not available after a certain time. I was only available after my conference concluded each day, or after I was done hanging out with my work crew. He was pretty consistent with his texting, and we also spoke on the phone. It ended up that my last night in town was my most hectic with my work schedule. We had an unexpected speaker at the end of the day and another slot was added to the day’s agenda. I was looking forward to linking up with him because he had been so consistent in his contact, and we had a good chat. Maybe, I got swirled up in his accent and him making me laugh. Maybe?
When we messaged, I kept it light, and he was very enthused for us to connect. He kept asking me if I was excited. I really wasn't. I was just open to the possibility of meeting and if it worked it worked. Maybe I wasn't as excited because my expectations were not really that high. I also had never done this travel mode thing before and wasn't putting much stock in it coming to fruition or something concrete coming from it.
He was cool but I was messaging with other guys. I was having a little bit more adult conversation with two other people, and I found them more intriguing. I also wasn't keeping my hopes up because I had such a small window of availability. I just wanted to meet up with one person or even two if it could work out. My conference days ended up being long days too, so I was a bit tired. I also went out with people from the conference and had a blast. If something extra could happen, then that's great, but if it didn’t, I was going to be good.
When Wednesday came and our timing was off, I figured that’s just how the cookie crumbled that day. He suggested that we meet in the morning, before I went to the airport, have breakfast, and at least meet. I thought that was interesting and I was intrigued because he was trying so hard. That's where that ego gets in there because it's nice to think of somebody who's pursuing you. Again, I'm typically up for new experiences and adventures.
While finalizing details, I made sure that there would not be any conflict with me actually getting a full amount of sleep before I left. We worked that out too and left it that he'd either call me in the evening or he would call in the morning to let me know he was on his way. He initiated the majority of our contact, and I would respond. After I had dinner and drinks with people, and had some quality hotel room and TV time, I sent a late-night message, but I didn't hear from him.
That night, I was actually supposed to meet up with another Bumble guy for a nightcap and once that didn't look likely I got into my sleep clothes and watched some shows on USA. I was content, comfy, and good. The second Bumble guy was out with coworkers, he was over by Broadway Ave, and it was his first day in Nashville. The writing was basically on the wall there. It would have been cool if he or they came over to my Rooftop Bar and we could have shared a toast, but I guess that's just that travel mode life. There are small windows of time, some limitations involved, and you have to roll with it. It's also not that serious. When I went to bed, there was no response to my message from Rick.
In the morning, I rolled over, looked at my phone and there were no messages, and I rolled right back over and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I looked at Bumble and I saw that he had unmatched us. I chalked it up to someone just having no patience and also, I was leaving. It was just one of those moments that, as I said, is par for the course in dating overall but also when you're doing a short stint in a town.
Back to the late-night message from Slick Rick’s wife. I really appreciate the wife, who I'm calling Haley, and that she looked out for someone else while in the midst of her own drama, betrayal, and pain. For Haley, I would imagine there was some curiosity mixed in there too, which is totally fine. When she reached out, I was just really focused on her. I thought about this woman that had to go digging, was dealing with an unfaithful partner, and an apparent streak of infidelity. All I did was feel for her and I felt it was important to comfort and support her.
This whole thing is a little wild. Here is this woman, from far far away, reaching out to a stranger who her husband was trying to meet and possibly hook up with. This woman, from across the county, who didn't even know me, was looking out for me and giving me a moment of comfort. She wanted to make sure that I wasn't sitting there questioning myself and wondering what happened with this guy. That I was not sitting up here wondering if I was enough. Even if my interaction with him was for a small sliver of time - she wanted me to know that this situation was not on me.
That’s such a challenge with dating in general because of the missed meetings, the unanswered messages, the messages that don’t ever come, and so many of those “almost” situations. They come with a tinge of rejection, and we just armor ourselves as best we can. It can lead us to wonder if there was something that we did not do, could have done, or did not possess. No matter how confident or fortified you are in your sense of self - it can still prick you. We just adapt because…we have to…to survive.
After Haley contacts me, she now knows that she has a woman across the country that's rooting for her and supporting her. My interaction with Slick Rick was light and short-lived. Hers is layered, deep, and ongoing. There are some things that are universal and what she is dealing with is common across regions, cities, states, countries, and cultures. If I could give her some level of consideration, empathy, and support - then that was something that I could do for her.
I appreciate that she took the time to reach out to me – period. I commend her for letting me know the backstory of what was going on, that the onus lies on him, and that she was even encouraging that there are some good guys out there. I know that she’s resilient and I hope she remembers and heeds her own words, “too many are punks, but not all.”
In the end, I just wanted to give her kindness and consideration. She has so much to deal with and there's such a long road ahead. It is the simplest thing being told, and hearing that, you can do it. Being told that you're going to make it is really important and really powerful. This unique situation occurred, and I appreciate that something positive came out of it for her and for me. I think about her, and I send her positive thoughts. We had our moment and I'm glad that she feels that lady for ladies, woman to woman, Mom to Mom support, and strength.
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